Too bad I lost the link to this online quiz which “determines” if you’re turning to be a Bridezilla or not. But, as we all know, stress can really trigger the monster in all of us. And planning your wedding, can be really stressful. I can’t tell you if you’re already becoming a Bridezilla, but here are some things that might help you not to turn into one

Respect other’s suggestions and opinions
True, it’s your wedding. But you should remember that it’s not just about you, and it’s also a gathering of sorts. You must learn to listen to other’s suggestions and opinions too. Because of the stress, there might be some things that you missed out that others see. They’re not trying to overshadow you, control you, or ruin your wedding plans—they’re just trying to help. There’s no need to be Bridezilla and snap at just about anybody who tries to help. You’re lucky someone cared about you enough to help you know. Besides, they’re only suggestions—you just need to listen, you don’t necessarily have to do it if you don’t want to.

Make up your mind
This is a common Bridezilla thing that I have to admit I also had been guilty of: you must learn to make up your mind when deciding on things. For example, you’ve already decided on a specific custom invitation design. Make it final. Before you even decide on anything, make sure you didn’t decide in haste. You can’t just say, “I’ve decided on this design,” then change your mind later on. Imagine the hassle you will give your supplier. Remember, stuff like that requires raw materials. You can’t just change your mind in the middle of production.

There are times when brides hire freelancers to design their wedding stuff. I’ve heard some complaints from my friends who are freelance wedding suppliers about Bridezillas demanding for changes in the middle of production. Just because they aren’t big companies doesn’t mean you can abuse them. Be considerate. Imagine if the same was done to you. Just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean you can hassle anyone and everyone for your “perfect” wedding. Make sure you’ve already reviewed all of your other options before giving your suppliers your final decision.

Learn to compromise
Most of the time, grooms-to-be just let the women do the choosing of wedding stuff and suppliers. My husband himself didn’t want to think about the wedding details and left it up to me, although there were times that he took an active part in the decision-making—especially on things that could possibly affect him directly like the cake flavor and the design of his Barong Tagalog. But sometimes, there are grooms-to-be who would like to be part of the decision-making.

Arguments usually arise especially when the bride and the groom have different tastes. Sometimes these arguments could get so bad that a wedding is at risk of getting called of. The trick here is to not let things get worse. You and your groom-to-be should learn how to compromise. Find a middle ground where you both can be happy with. Some guys may let you have your way just to avoid another argument, but that’s not healthy. You’re not the only one taking vows—your groom-to-be would be too, so you must lower your pride and find a compromise. Remember, it’s not always about you and you alone. It’s about both of you.

Make room for errors
As much as you’d like your wedding to be perfect, you must make room for errors. There are unavoidable things that could happen—technical difficulties on equipment, sudden unavailable materials, etc. You must set your mind that these can happen, and be open to these possibilities. You’ll only add stress to yourself if you keep on wanting things to be perfect.

Is your wedding about how perfect your cake is or it is about you and your man? Don’t forget why you’re getting married in the first place. Sometimes everything just won’t be as “perfect” as you dreamed it to be. But that day would be the day you get married. Perfecting the little wedding details shouldn’t be the source of your happiness, but exchanging vows with the man you’d be spending the rest of your life with should be.

Weddings aren’t about perfect wedding details, it’s about celebrating the love between you and your man.

Find time to relax
The main reason most brides turn out to be Bridezilla is because of the stress the wedding planning brings (ie. “I’m not sure if we’ll have enough money to pay for all these”), or even just the idea of getting married itself. That’s pretty understandable. After all, things change when you get married. It’s ok to be stressed or scared… Just don’t let the stress or fear get the best of you.

Take the time to relax. Read a book. Take a day trip to Tagaytay just to enjoy the scenery. Pamper yourself in a spa. Just do something that will temporarily take your mind off the wedding. Besides, you wouldn’t want to look like a haggard old woman on your wedding day, would you?

These are just some of the more practical ways not be the next Bridezilla. Well, those are the things I know of anyway. If you got ideas on how not to be a bitchy bride (aka Bridezilla), do share!

Yep, RSVP cards weren’t the usual during the time of my parents. I’ve taken a look at my parents’ and my uncle’s wedding invitations (for research when I was doing my own), and they didn’t include inserts other than the Bridal Entourage.

The RSVP card was actually one of the issues my dad and I had when I was planning my own wedding. He said that he understood why we wanted to specify the reserved seats for each guest, but we do have some old-fashioned relatives who would actually find it offensive. Weird? Yeah, I thought so too. But I guess you really can’t blame them. It’s not something that they’re used to.

I asked my dad why it’s going to be offensive, and he said our older guests could perceive it as a form of disrespect. Why disrespect? Well, to them it may seem that you’re giving them a limit (although that’s the point, isn’t it?), and they’re “not special enough” to deserve more than an X number of seats.

For the non-traditional bride, this reasoning sounds a bit ridiculous. Yeah, maybe it is. But, you’d also have to be understanding. Filipinos value respect for our elders, and it won’t really hurt to go the extra mile for your more traditional relatives.

I have to admit that my dad and I argued about this a bit until I understood his point. I’m a practical person, and printing special RSVP cards for a very small number of guests just didn’t seem very economical. I was strongly opposed to giving our guests an impression that they could bring their entire clan to our wedding—we were on a very limited budget. But, as always, there’s always a compromise.

My dad agreed to have RSVP cards, but we left the number of guests blank for those whom he thought would find the limit offensive. I was afraid of the number of people these guests would bring, but my dad assured me that he would explain it personally to the guest that seats are limited. The idea of an RSVP card may seem disrespectful to them, but, they’ll understand the need for limiting the seats better if explained personally.

Making a “big deal” out of RSVP cards definitely adds unnecessary stress to a Filipino bride-to-be, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be. One just needs to exert a bit more effort to be understanding, and it’s important to note that we should still remember to show respect to our more traditional guests.

Such issues are usually just trivial things for the typical wedding planner; I’ve had chitchats with some wedding planners about this issue during my stint as an invitations-maker. However, it’s different when you’re the one who is actually involved. It’s easy to say “not to concern yourself about it,” but in reality, it’s not. In a culture where respect for the elders is an important family value, you cannot simply dismiss an issue such as this.

So really, how do you handle it?

The typical “arena” for argument in a sticky situation like this is the entourage. The mom would insist on having her kids on the entourage, and the dad will do the same—which isn’t an issue if the step-kids are oblivious to the high tension. If they’re not, it’s best to keep them apart. But whatever happens, you will have to make sure that each side will have a representative to “keep it fair.”

Another point of argument could be the question of who will walk the bride or the groom down the aisle. If your parents can’t stand each other, you might have a bit of trouble convincing them. Usually, parents would just do their best to endure each other for the sake of their son/daughter, but if they parted so badly, you can expect some childish outbursts here and there. And when this happens, trying to convince them to sit beside each other could only lead to a Family World War—so in this case, it might be better if you can ask another relative (like grandparents) as stand-in. Or if not, you can just walk down the aisle on your own.

You will be surprised how petulant warring parents can be at such important event. I even heard of one who insisted on having the live-in girlfriend sit on the VIP table. In such extreme cases, you will need to really assess the situation and determine for yourself the right thing to do. Know the right thing, do the right thing. In this situation, you know that it’s like a slap on your mom’s face if you let your dad’s girlfriend sit with them like a parent. It’s up to you to determine if you can subject your mom to such embarrassment, knowing fully well what a delicate issue it is in our culture.

There are many ways to handle touchy family issues in wedding planning, but most often than not, long, from-the-heart talks do the trick. You just have to talk to those involved nicely, keeping in mind to remain polite and respectful as possible.

Although being the apple of my dad’s eye has its perks (like, he’d make sure that my husband and I don’t go hungry no matter what happens), being a daddy’s girl can be quite a challenge when you’re about to get married. My dad and I were practically at each other’s throats the week before my wedding day. For some reason, we always had to argue about the wedding details. If my mom hadn’t suffered a stroke, this probably would have been avoided—we would have had a referee. But since things have changed, it was just me and my dad battling it out over the wedding plans.

I think the worst argument we had was about the first dance tradition—it even culminated in a shouting match where my younger sister had to step in. Though my dad said he “absolutely refuses to submit himself in such an embarrassing situation,” in the end, it all just boils down to one thing: he was afraid he was losing me. Though he never really said it. He just told me that it’s not that he didn’t like the Father-Daughter dance, he just wanted to be consulted on things that would involve him. But I understood what he really meant. After that major fight, it was as if we were both relieved of this weird feeling of impending doom.

Such father-daughter scenario is quite common in our culture. Dads tend to be overprotective of their “little girls,” and the attachments we have with our parents are usually tighter. Don’t be surprised if sending an aging parent to a home raise some eyebrows and whispers behind your back—some would consider that scandalous here. But the thing is, this emotional attachment usually bring about such conflicts like the one between me and my dad.

Unresolved feelings usually bring about tension, and tension can lead to conflicts and arguments (or even shouting matches). Although the best thing to resolve these feelings is sitting down and talking as parent-and-daughter, there are those who are embarrassed to do that. Like my dad and me. We didn’t exactly talk about the main issue, did we? But we resolved it. We communicated in our own ways.

As your wedding gets nearer and nearer, it’s best to get your parents involved if you’re quite close to them (come on, admit it, there are parents who are used to having their children living away from them). Tight-knit families usually encounter this problem. The pressure just builds up till one of you will blow off the steam. Though it usually works out in the end, it’s better to avoid than wait for a big fight to happen. The tension would be running high during the few days before the wedding (you are, after all, entering a new chapter of your life), and it would be pretty hard to tolerate an “intervening mom” or a “spoilsport dad.” But remember, this could be their way of coping with the thought that they’re losing you. Instead of ignoring them, get them involved. Consult with them, update them, whatever. Just make them feel like they’re a big part of the wedding planning. Things will never be the same once you’ve gotten hitched, especially for your parents. I don’t think it would be too much to ask for them to enjoy the days before their little girl ties the knot.

Have you encountered something like this before? How did you resolve it?

Unbeknownst to most people, I run a small custom wedding invitations business when I’m not doing web design. The question on “how not to invite somebody to my wedding” came up more than once during my client meetings. They have different reasons not to want to invite somebody: limited budget, the venue is too small, or simply because they just don’t like that certain person. But it all boils down to one thing: how will you tell those people you don’t want to invite them to your wedding after they find out you’re getting married?

Here are some ideas…

1. “Sorry, (name), I’m not sure if we’ll be able to accommodate friends with our measly budget. It would probably be just a family-only affair.”
   This one’s a classic. Really. I used this so often it was a miracle that those I didn’t want to invite didn’t realize that I was partly bluffing. But seriously. This excuse probably works the best. “Friends” should understand that family comes first, especially with our culture (which values family above all).
2. “Our parents will be the one paying for the expenses.”
   What better way to scare off an acquaintance than to tell them it’s your parent’s call? They don’t know your parents.
3. “You can ask my fiancé / fiancée / wedding coordinator / my mom / my dad / my dog’s mom, he/she is the one doing the guest list.”
   Sucker! If you’re a wuss, go put the burden of blowing off to someone else other than yourself.
4. “We don’t have a definite date yet.”
   This would probably work if you don’t see that person often. Just make sure he/she doesn’t have your cellphone number!
5. “Oh, it’s going to be really early. In Tagaytay. On a weekday.”
   Go on and turn them off. But if this person is so bent on attending your wedding to the point of missing work, booking a hotel room in Tagaytay, and waking up extremely early, I suggest you’d just invite him/her. That’s dedication, baby.
6. “Really? Who told you I’m getting married? Preposterous!”
   Worse comes to worst, lie like Pinocchio. Just make sure that you don’t get caught

Seriously though… When it really comes down to it, honesty is always the best policy. I’d go with number 1. It’s usually the real reason why you don’t want to invite somebody to the wedding anyway. Just tell them the truth. If they don’t understand your intentions, I don’t really see the point why you’re stressing over it. Real friends would understand, and would probably even help you. If somebody gets mad at you for one measly wedding invite, that person doesn’t deserve getting stressed over. Remember, you’ll need all the energy you can muster on your wedding day!