Daddy’s girl

I’m a daddy’s girl. There. I said it. And I’m actually proud to be one.

Although being the apple of my dad’s eye has its perks (like, he’d make sure that my husband and I don’t go hungry no matter what happens), being a daddy’s girl can be quite a challenge when you’re about to get married. My dad and I were practically at each other’s throats the week before my wedding day. For some reason, we always had to argue about the wedding details. If my mom hadn’t suffered a stroke, this probably would have been avoided—we would have had a referee. But since things have changed, it was just me and my dad battling it out over the wedding plans.

I think the worst argument we had was about the first dance tradition—it even culminated in a shouting match where my younger sister had to step in. Though my dad said he “absolutely refuses to submit himself in such an embarrassing situation,” in the end, it all just boils down to one thing: he was afraid he was losing me. Though he never really said it. He just told me that it’s not that he didn’t like the Father-Daughter dance, he just wanted to be consulted on things that would involve him. But I understood what he really meant. After that major fight, it was as if we were both relieved of this weird feeling of impending doom.

Such father-daughter scenario is quite common in our culture. Dads tend to be overprotective of their “little girls,” and the attachments we have with our parents are usually tighter. Don’t be surprised if sending an aging parent to a home raise some eyebrows and whispers behind your back—some would consider that scandalous here. But the thing is, this emotional attachment usually bring about such conflicts like the one between me and my dad.

Unresolved feelings usually bring about tension, and tension can lead to conflicts and arguments (or even shouting matches). Although the best thing to resolve these feelings is sitting down and talking as parent-and-daughter, there are those who are embarrassed to do that. Like my dad and me. We didn’t exactly talk about the main issue, did we? But we resolved it. We communicated in our own ways.

As your wedding gets nearer and nearer, it’s best to get your parents involved if you’re quite close to them (come on, admit it, there are parents who are used to having their children living away from them). Tight-knit families usually encounter this problem. The pressure just builds up till one of you will blow off the steam. Though it usually works out in the end, it’s better to avoid than wait for a big fight to happen. The tension would be running high during the few days before the wedding (you are, after all, entering a new chapter of your life), and it would be pretty hard to tolerate an “intervening mom” or a “spoilsport dad.” But remember, this could be their way of coping with the thought that they’re losing you. Instead of ignoring them, get them involved. Consult with them, update them, whatever. Just make them feel like they’re a big part of the wedding planning. Things will never be the same once you’ve gotten hitched, especially for your parents. I don’t think it would be too much to ask for them to enjoy the days before their little girl ties the knot.

Have you encountered something like this before? How did you resolve it?

Posted in Conflict Management, Filipino Traditions, Pre-wedding

One comment

Howard :

I’m an american man engaged to a Fil-Am. My parents don’t meddle too much in my life-that doesn’t mean that they aren’t there for advice when needed.

Like the author, my fiancee is the daughter in a close-knit, strict filipino family. Her dad is a bit over-protective, but he’s not overbearing. My future MIL, on the other hand, is too much to handle.

It seems MIL wants the dream wedding she never had in the Phillipines for us. However, we both don’t want any of the hoopla,bells, and whistles of a traditional filipino bash (i.e. Church wedding,300+ guests,20 bridesmaids/groomsman, big fiesta,etc…). All we want is a simple ceremony with a few close friends and relatives (I acknowledge the fact that a few close friends and relatives means more than 5 to a filipino:)).

We will handle comments and suggestions from her family as such- we will consider their ideas;however, the final decision is up to us, not her family.

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